Hazy NFL Thoughts

JaMarcus Russell giving the thumbs up. After all, he had just completed a pass in practice, and that alone was cause for celebration.

Some days I sit here and I have a clear vision of the day. Other times I drift around in a bit of haze, inundated from all sides by a bevy of ever changing sports information (I know, cue the violins right – my life is so tough). Today I’m in one of those floating moods, so here is random sampling of what’s going on in my noggin.

Dwayne Bowe was suspended for four games for violating the NFL’s ban on performance enhancing drugs (he will be out until Week 15). Speculation is that Bowe, who came to camp channeling his inner Fat Albert, took some kind of diuretic to help him shed the 30 extra pounds he was carrying. Here is my advice – try eating less ding dongs, get some sleep, and avoid devouring every piece of food put in front of you. Really, for a pro athlete to put on 30 lbs in an offseason simply boggles my mind. I haven’t left my house in like 11 days, have been eating cheesy poofs and Butterfingers from Halloween, and I haven’t gained a pound.

Speaking of staying in shape, JaMarcus Russell could learn a thing or two about avoiding the all-you-can eat Korean buffets at 12:30 at night after you’ve pulled back on a baker’s dozen o’ beers. A noted workout fiend, and by workout I mean that he attacks the dessert menu with abandon, Russell has been historically awful this season. Through nine games he has completed 47.1 percent of his passes with two scores, nine interceptions, and an average of less than 119 yards a contest leading to a 47.9 QB Rating. I’m being totally serious here – I could literally practice for about two weeks and step in and do that well. I’m not kidding, I used to chuck a mean 15 yard out with that orange Nerf ball when I was a kid.

Didn’t you used to be Terrell Owens? After catching a mere 26 passes for 366 yards and a touchdown I could have sworn you were Roscoe Parrish. Perhaps you should have spent less time with that reality TV show that attempts to show you as a smooth ladies man and more time trying to build a rapport with his quarterback.

For those that think the NFL is the No Fun League, here is some further support for the position. Listed below are the fines you receive from the league for committing said infraction.

Exposing a knee, roughing the passer, chop block: $5,000
*** That first one refers to a player whose sock has slipped down his leg revealing his exposed knee, and no, I’m not making that up.

Oh, and the best one? How about a $25,000 fine if you wear a college hat on the sidelines. Are you kidding me? You get a $25K bill for wearing a hat from your school while chilling out, but you can chop block a guy, potentially ending his season or his career, and pay only $5K? Something seems wrong with that doesn’t it?

Is Brady Quinn really that bad? Through nine career appearances Quinn has completed 52.2 percent of his passes with three scores and seven interceptions. As awful as he has been in five games this season, his 51.0 QB Rating is actually a massive upgrade over the 36.2 mark of Derek Anderson. And you thought Russell was bad.

Oh, I forgot to mention above, when discussing Russell, that prior to the Raiders last game that their wide receivers had 28 receptions on the year, or literally half as many as the next worst team, the Bucs. Think of that. The Raiders entire wide receiving corps was 50 percent worse than the next to last team, not the first team, the 31st team. Pathetic.

By Ray Flowers

Tags: Brady Quinn, Derek Anderson, Dwayne Bowe, JaMarcus Russell, Roscoe Parrish, Terrell Owens